Jokes

(1)

A man was getting married. 3 young ladies offer 2 marry him.
He han to make choice,so he tested them by giving 5000 each to spend.

 1 bought new dresses n said she wanted to look good for him.

2nd got him few shirts & ties, perfumes n said she wanted him to looking good.

3rd invested d money in shares. got profit & returned him original amount, saying that she saved
 the rest for their future.

Man thought a lot but finally he decided
marry d lady who looked more sexier!!

Men will be Men.  :-)

 

(2)

Bob calls in to his job:
"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."

The boss says:
"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."

2 hours later Bob calls:

"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."

(3)

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

 (4)

Boy drops girl at home, he puts his hand on d wall
by d gate for support, leans towards her
BOY : Can I kiss you ?
GIRL : Not now, I'm at home.
BOY : Please.
GIRL : No.
BOY : You were too sweet in bed today. GIRL :
Waoh! you too, full of energy. I could not believe
we had for rounds.
BOY : Let me kiss u good night.
GIRL : Someone may be watching, they still think
I'm a virgin at home.
This goes on for ten minutes, then girl's brother
appears at the gate and says "Dad says whether u
kiss him or not its your decision, but tell that
bastard to remove his hand from the intercom
button, everyone at home is listening to your
conversation".

(5)

Once in a soap industry in Japan,
.
The soap cover was mistakenly packed
without soap in it
i.e empty box.
To avoid the problem in the future
Engineers purchased X-Ray machine of 60
thousand dollars to check whether soap is
Packed in every cover or not in assembly
line.
Same problem occurred in India..What did
they do?
Indian Engineers simply put a fan beside d
assembly line &Empty boxes were flown
away!

(6)

Wat is Facebook... ??
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Its when a boy posts a joke He gets No
Response...:((
&
When a Girl Posts the Same Joke,
She gets
(60 likes),
(35 frnd requests),
(20 Private Msg)
&
(80 Comments on how Sweet She is and
how Funny the Joke was....:))

 (7)

A man dies.
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In heaven he sees a large Wall
full of Clocks
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He asks angel:"What r these for?"
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Angel ans:"These r Lie Clocks,
evry person has lie clock! Whenevr
u lie on earth, clock moves."
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D man points 2wrds a clock n
asks: Whose clock is this?
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Angel says: its Mother Teresa's.
It never moved, showing that
she never told lie.
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The man asks: Where is Indian
Politician's clock?
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Angel replies: That's in our office... we use it
as TABLE FAN

(8)

"Wife was sure that her husband was having Sex with the maid so she laid a trap.

1 evening she suddenly sent the maid home for weekend & didnt tell husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave old story - Excuse me my dear, my stomach is aching & went to bathroom. The wife promptly went into maid's bed. She switched the lights off.
He came in silently,
he wasted no time on words but quickly started Sex..

When he finished, Wife said - U didn't expect me in this bed, did u..? & switched on the light..

No Madam, said the Watchman..X.

(9)

Boss:

mere liye ek shisha le ke aao, Jisme mai apna muh dekh saku...!
Santa:
nahi mila sir, Sab shisho par mera hi Muh Dikhay de raha tha.

(10)

Jayant ki Saali Jayant Se : Jija Ji Please Mujhe

500 Rupees De Do, Mai Agle Hafte De Dungi.
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Jayant : Tum 1000 Rupaye Le Lo , Magar Abhi
Do. :P :P
Saali Shoxx , Apna Jayant Rocks